Sunday, May 4, 2014
In my last blog (also taken from my latest book, “Heartgasm!”) we talked about taking 100% responsibility for your life and how that can give you ownership of your own life.
Taking responsibility for even your unconscious patterns allows you to own that you are sending out signals attracting matching vibrations, good or bad.
If you are responsible, not your parents, your mate, or anyone else, you can start choosing which signals you want to sent out and that is where we now begin…
Your Cherished Union CAN Be Heaven on Earth
Your Heart’s Unspoken Desire: Finding Relationship Heaven
What does having heaven in your relationship mean to you? What does it look like? How many times a day do you say “If only it were this way?” “If only it were that way?” “Things would be so much better if....” So much of what I used to wish for in my early relationships had to do with “If only the other person would....” “If only my mate were this way or that way.”
It was a surprise to me to find out that it was probably not the other person that had to change, but myself.
I didn’t think I asked for the life I was getting, but according to the “Law of Attraction,” on some level I did. I found out that life doesn’t just “happen to you” – you beam it in, exactly according to your expectations and patterns.
John Lennon noticed that life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans. I wonder if he learned, as I did, that life is a reflection of our deepest sub-conscious thoughts through the law of attraction.
You might call the law of attraction the ABC’s of quantum physics, and according to this law, the vibration that emanates from you attracts or brings in, a similar or complimentary vibration. So what I was beaming out from myself is what I ended up attracting.
This is why the person I needed to change was me! What I learned from my first metaphysical teachers, Joel and Dr. Champion Teutsch, is that if you change yourself, then your partner will shift accordingly. Abraham-Hicks, another metaphysical teacher, calls this finding a vibrational match. The energy we emit from our inner core can be perceived as a vibration and like-vibrations attract.
By stepping out of the little box in which I had lived my life, I could begin to see that, although the universe is infinite, like an infinity ribbon, it always comes back around to its origin. Whether I thought this was fair or not, the universe was always bringing analogous people, situations, things, and a life that I had “vibrationally” asked for, back into my field.
Unless you are making conscious shifts in your thinking and perceptions, you may not feel you are in control of your own life. I definitely did not feel in control.
It was a hard lesson for me to adsorb, that when you consciously shift your vibrational field, the people around you must shift or split away. Why? If that shift feels too uncomfortable for your partner (because their patterns will necessarily have to change to reflect your new vibration), that person may not be enough in “resonance” with you, and will have no choice but to go a different direction. It was through my two back-to-back marriages that I got this realization big time.
My Two Completely Different Husbands and How They’re Being Around Me Turned Them Into Raging Maniacs
In my first marriage, I used to cry myself to sleep at night because the little amount of sex we had in the beginning of our relationship had dwindled down to nothing. The last vestiges of communication fluctuated between being ignored and being verbally abused. Eventually, no sex was the outcome of no communication.
Interestingly enough, my second marriage, even though my next husband was completely different, turned out almost exactly like the first one. I had the realization that if I had the same outcome from both seven-year marriages, that it probably was not about them, but something about me that attracted the same outcome. What signal or vibration was I putting out to be treated like this – to be put down, verbally abused, and not heard?
Hmmm, this sounded familiar – so it wasn’t too hard to figure out. By that time I’d had years of studying with my mentors, the Teutschs, and knew that almost all negative patterns come from our parents. There was no doubt that since my father treated me like this, (put me down, verbally abused me, and wouldn’t listen to what I had to say) that I had attracted men who loved me so much that they gave me exactly what I was unconsciously asking for. How scary was that?
Right after I finished this blog, I found the above synchronisticly-scary photo in the appendix of Ken Rochon’s book, “Becoming the Perfect Networker.”
If this seems scary to you too, then it will be totally appropriate to find out how to start correcting your vibrational signals so you bring in what you really want, which, believe it or not, is what ScaryGuy is about, only he uses different words. In my next blog, we’ll segue right into “Dismantling Bastions of Unconscious Patterns, Expectations, and Beliefs.”
•¤****¤• Just a few reminders about ways we can keep in touch •¤****¤•
First I’d love for guests to post on my blog and invite comments for the next few weeks. Have any of you ever wondered why unwanted situations happen to you? I’d love to know how my story resonates with you — any similar experiences or outcomes?
Anyone who posts relevant comments on my blog for the next few weeks will get a BIG bonus: You’ll be eligible for one hour of free coaching on a call or a Skype call. Be sure to leave your name and contact info so I can reach you to set up an appointment.
Now is a great time to take advantage of some enticing freebies
by registering on my Website Http://www.ToniDeMarco.com
Also please like me on both my personal and business Facebook pages
And please follow me on Twitter
Thanks and see you next time,
Posted by Toni De Marco at 11:30 AM
Friday, January 24, 2014
You Can’t Make Love Until You Make Peace
Before I launch into another excerpt from my book, Heartgasm!, one of the most important sections has to do with getting old “stuff” out of the way, so you can be in the moment with what’s going on in your life in general, or your relationships, (or lack of) in particular.
If you’re still fostering old resentments from the past, living in the shadows of deeply instilled patterns you’ve inherited from your parents or your family, it’s time you started noticing when you’re thinking or declaring things that you no longer really believe and don’t want to perpetuate. Letting go of an old negative belief on the spot and replacing it with a more positive though can become a great habit if you’re relentless in paying attention to what you think and say. Perhaps you have a friend who’ll help keep you in check.
Your heart knows what you want, and it’s up to you to open the limitless possibilities it presents in your life — especially how you want to feel in your intimate life, were you to just allow it:
Before Making Love, Clear up the Past
How is “Making Love” different than sex?
Making love is intimate and requires opening your heart to loving your partner – sex is sex.
Let’s expand this definition and talk about sex combined with making love.
How can you make love to a partner you’re not getting along with? Can you make love if you aren’t talking to each other? How do you get “off” upsets?
What do you do when one person wants sex and the other doesn’t?
In this chapter, you’ll be introduced to many tools that will help you to communicate better. It is only when you can talk together peaceably that the relationship will expand, grow, and give you the loving intimacy you so desire. In this way the two of you can become greater than either one of you individually, and still both retaining your unique individuality.
My First Marriage
Let’s go back to that time when I was desperately unhappy and spent hours in the bathtub, gazing out over the valley below, wondering if I would ever be happy again, and not knowing how to tell my husband what was wrong. He didn’t seem to want to listen to me about sex. He had heard it all before and he just didn’t want to go there. What could I do to make him change?
Now, many years later, I realize that I was fixated on how I could change him, not about what I could change about myself. It has taken me many years to realize that you can never make anyone change. I used to think that I could use positive thinking to change my partner.
Since everyone has free will, your partner has to decide they want to change. In fact, the more you push against someone, the more likely they will resist change.
The only way you can influence another to change is to be the change you want to see in them. By being and acting who you hope others would be, they can see how well it works for you and decide to go there with you. On the other hand, because you are both now operating on different vibrational levels, the other person might well decide to go elsewhere – it’s entirely up to them.
In romantic relationships, chances are, that you both fantasized that the other person had qualities you imposed on them, and only later, when the initial feelings of euphoria had faded away, realize that you barely know that person, and often, that you wish you didn’t know that person as well as you do now.
What to do? A relationship can only work if both people are ready, willing and able to change, or at least be willing to talk about why things aren’t working. Willing communication is the key to most of what you will learn in this book.
At some point, you may realize that you really don’t belong with this person, because there is just no opening for negotiation. If it’s “my way or the highway,” maybe it is time to move on. The Irish Catholic family pattern in the era when my parents got together was, that women don’t have a say. When my dad made a decision, that was it – it became the rule. My mom was expected to obey his every edict. Hopefully we’ve come a long way since those days, but many families still operate from this old paradigm.
It is not really satisfying for either person. Ideally, both people in a relationship are equal. Only then can a relationship grow to heights of ecstasy beyond what gender- restricted relationships offer. This is not to say that women and men aren’t different – just equal in their rights as human beings.
If, at any point in this process, you reach an impasse with your partner, try to process through the problem with the materials offered in this book.
Remember, this won’t work if only one of you wants to do it. You both have to be willing to look at the problems and be willing to make some changes. Both of you have to take 100% responsibility because the law of attraction is operating at all levels of your life. You can’t go searching on the outside for what’s wrong. You might ask yourself, “What signal is it that I’m putting out to attract the abuse I’m receiving?”
“Am I taking responsibility for what’s coming my way, especially from my partner?” It’s only when you take 100% responsibility for your own life that things can change.
Do you know what the definition of insanity is? It’s when you keep doing things the same way expecting different results.
As a follow-up, I encourage your comments or questions about this post. If you’ve been through similar predicaments in your relationships, please share your thoughts and feelings. Or maybe you have a “change of heart” story you’d like to share. And, as always, I appreciate your sharing this post on Twitter and Facebook (globaltoni for both).
Love and blessings,
Posted by Toni De Marco at 12:37 AM